You are probably a DoucheBag if:

You start a fight with a pregnant woman at a baseball game because she isn't supporting the same team as you.

You completely ignore your girlfriend/fiance/wife in favor of playing a video game.

You shave your head and wear "bling" in your ear/ears and you are white.

You take up two parking spaces because you're afraid that your Benz/Beamer/Audi will get door dings.

You drink so much that you make inappropriate comments about an elderly woman seen on the news who was just murdered.

You make fun of your friends for not going out to party with you if they are tired and want to catch up on their sleep, especially if you are over the age of 22.

You have a Superman tattoo and you are NOT either Clark Kent or Shaquille O'Neal.

You try to dance right up on girl's asses in a club when they are CLEARLY there with just the girls.

You preach your religious or political beliefs on someone who didn't ask for them.

You use the word "Hella" (which technically isn't even a word).

You think that Beer Pong is the best game EVER invented.

You keg-stand past the age of 22.

Double-Douchbaggery:  Correlating the amount of time one can keg-stand to the amount of "pussy" one can obtain.

You use too much product in your hair, you wear too much Axe deodorant or you leave the sticker on the underside of the brim of your baseball hat, which you then wear sideways and slightly to the back.

You use steroids.

You are Dick Cheney.

You wear sunglasses when there is no sun.

You constantly "one-up" the stories of your friends, family and coworkers.

You don't remember the last time you were wrong about something.

You use all five washing machines in the basement of your apartment building because you either have too many clothes or you wait too long to do your laundry (eww), preventing all other residents from doing their laundry until you are finished.

You walk around with a bluetooth headpiece permanently attached to your ear because it makes you feel important.

You have ever taken a picture of yourself without a shirt on, in a mirror.

Double Douchebaggery:  Posting said photo on MySpace.

You buy a $50,000 car when you A) still live with your parents, B) still owe half of that in student loans, C) still work retail or D) all of the above.

You walk like you have a baseball bat thrust up your ass.

You send roses to your girlfriend at her workplace EVERY SINGLE TIME you piss her off.

You are in a service related profession and you give really bad service.  If you hate your job...FIND A NEW ONE.

You hit on someone else's girlfriend at a party.

Half of your MySpace friends are not actually personal acquaintances or friends of yours and/or they are only partially clothed.

You have ever said in all seriousness, "No Fat Chicks."

Double Douchebaggery: Your car/truck has a bumper sticker claiming "No Fat Chicks, The Bumper Will Scrape."

Unending Douchebaggery: Your car/truck is already lifted.

You've ever tried to start a mosh pit during a concert of ANY genre other than Punk or Metal.

Double Douchebaggery: You punch or kick people in said mosh pit.

You act as if and generally believe that no one else matters other than yourself.

You've ever overheard the words "douchebag", "asshole", "wanker", "pretentious", "prick", "fool" (not to be confused with "cool"), "jerk-off", or "eeww" when you've entered a room.

You use the words "bro" (sounds like "brah") or "homie" to refer to your friends.

You shop at Abercrombie & Fitch or Hollister past the age of 18.

You have an over-inflated sense of self or if you don't know what that means.

...and I'm sure there are MANY more where that came from...

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Something that has totally changed my life, some of you may already know it, but it is new to me.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting the hardships as the pathways to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right 

If I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life;

And supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

McCain's no 'Warmonger'...even his own son is at risk.

Yes it's true, John McCain's son is in Iraq as we speak.  His own son's life is in peril, yet he still believes that American troops can finish what we so unintelligently started.  

That does not make him a 'warmonger', as Senator Obama supporters have recently called him. It makes him an honorable man--someone who finishes what is started, whether for the right reasons or for the wrong ones, that my friends is no longer the issue and realistically hasn't been since we set foot in Iraq.  It makes him an honorable man because not only does he believe in a stable Iraq, but he believes that the good reputation of America can be restored.  Not by quitting; plugging our ears with our white iPod headphones, turning our backs on a horrible mess of our own creation, signaling 'Peace-Out' and hoping that it all works itself out in time while we go about our privileged lives, but by providing support and keeping our promises.  

Yes, American soldier's lives are precious and should not be put in harms way unnecessarily, but THAT decision was made many years ago by pretty much the worst president we've ever had.  John McCain's choice to stay in Iraq does NOT mean that he deserves the entirety of the blame for the decision to go into Iraq in the first place.  We the people as a collective whole need to take responsibility for that one.  Why?  Because this is a democracy, thank God, and in a democracy the people control the government, NOT the other way around...and obviously some Americans voted for he-who-shall-not-be-named, or he wouldn't have set foot near the White House to begin with.

Another sign of an honorable man?  Taking the flack like a champ, and never once mentioning that his very own son is over in the Middle East, missing his father's campaign for president, never knowing of his victories, simply so you and I can sleep soundly tonight in our beds, comforted by the thought that someone with a big gun and a few hundred tanks is making sure that the bad guys don't win.  Sure, he could shut a few people up by telling them how his son doesn't hear about his victories because he's busy patrolling Anbar or digging military vehicles out the mud--but that would make him a chump, not a champ.

If his own flesh and blood is at risk, and the man wants to stay instead of look out for his own interests (bringing his son home), then he must really believe.  And if he really believes, there's no one else I'd rather trust.

To read the whole article: McCain Remains Silent on Son's Service

Blogging...Not as easy as it looks...

So I've pretty much been spending the last 2 days trying to figure out how to create my own blog.  I purchased a domain name and everything.  I came up with a clever name.  That combined with my basic knowledge of xhtml and css code and my server space that I already owned through .Mac, I thought I had it made.  WRONG.  Apparently it is not as easy as just using my server space to host my blog.  Apparently writing your own blog from scratch is a HUGE pain the ass.  And apparently Apple limits your blogging abilities to only be used in conjunction with iWeb.  F*ck that.  So the domain name that I so proudly purchased yesterday is pretty much a waste because I ended up using a free, customizable blogging site anyway.  Sheesh.  Stay tuned, I won't promise not to rant or bitch in future posts, but I can promise that there will be more interesting ones than this.