"The Man I Want"

If you know me, you have probably noticed that I have various little notebooks that I use to write things down in...most often lists, but sometimes I just need paper and a pen to write down my thoughts.  Some people have their smart phones, or a tablet, or a laptop, and even though I would like a tablet to do some of these things on...nothing can really replace my pen and paper.

Recently, I've been trying to tidy up and simplify my life a little, and doing that means that I need to use up some of these half used notebooks.  The one I've recently been using for my To Do Lists, and Grocery Lists apparently had some very important thoughts written in it, over 2 years ago.  And apparently, writing things down can have extremely fortuitous results.

On July 6, 2010, I shared with the universe what I wanted in a man.  At the time, I was struggling, because what I wanted more than anything was a partner with whom to share this life and all the experiences that come along with it.  I was in the midst of trying to meet guys via eHarmony, rather unsuccessfully, and after the 10th first date, I had decided it was time to take a page from my Landmark Forum, and make a declaration: My Declaration of The Man I Want.  

As it turns out, the universe really is listening.  6 weeks later when I met my ex, I thought "Wow, the Universe is on top of this sh*t!"  Little did I know that the Universe does not work on our time table, and was really sitting there chuckling, saying "Oh, you poor, silly girl, no, no no...first I must give you a terrible trial to live through, so that I can be sure you will appreciate the gift I will give you later.  You see, you must earn this declaration that you seek."  And after enduring this trial, and picking myself up out of the sh*t puddle I had let myself fall into (with the varying aids of many, as well as myself), the Universe sent me my declaration...13 months later, to the date, in the form of my fiance.  

When I discovered this last night, it was a wonderful reminder that something, somewhere is listening...whether you believe in God or just the power of positive thinking...and as a result I will be writing a  lot more declarations in the future.

"The man I want has to be ballsier than me.  He has to be willing to open himself up to another human being and be himself fully.  He can't be easily scared away.  He has to be willing to be vulnerable and say 'Yes, this person here could hurt me, but they could also turn out to be the love of my life...and that is a risk I'm willing to take.' 

The man I want will be a strong man, a gentle man, a genuine man, and a gentleman.  He will have integrity.  He will always be honest as much as he can.  He will be loyal to himself and those that he loves.  His commitment and follow through will know no bounds.  

He will have a heart of gold - love animals, children and his country.  He will have a smile that lights the darkest room and his eyes will smile too while showing depth of both knowledge and character.  He will be young at heart, energetic in step and playful in manner.  He will value life, love, family and growth of self.

He will long for a partner to be his teammate in life; to support and be supported, to love and be loved unconditionally, and to laugh...most of all, to laugh."

~Me 7/6/2010

Many of you who know Geoffrey, will see in my description, that I was describing him almost as if I had already met him, when in reality I wouldn't meet him for another 13 months, after a series of very fortunate events that, had they gone any other way, I may not have met him.  The Universe is listening, and is benevolent.

The Month of Giving Thanks Vol. 1

Giving Thanks, Week #1 - Nov 1-7

Day #1 of the month of Giving Thanks, and I am thankful for my cooking/baking talent. Many people can't throw stuff in a pan, bowl or baking sheet and have it taste delicious the first time, with no recipe, I'm thankful for that.

Day #2 of the month of Giving Thanks, and I am thankful for good sushi. It's amazing, tasty, healthy and it makes me smile.

Day #3 of the month of Giving Thanks, and I am thankful for Olivia and Beau.

Day #4 of the month of Giving Thanks (this is for yesterday) and I am thankful for old friends still being friends, even when I don't talk to them all the time, or for extended periods of time. ♥

Day #5 of the month of Giving Thanks, and I am thankful for my arms, legs, feet, muscles, bones and joints that allow me to move and be active and most of all to sweat it out at the gym or on the field because I love it.

Day #6 of the month of Giving Thanks, and I am thankful for students who like me better than their real teacher and despite my insisting that they'd *still* have to do lots of work and essays, want me to be their teacher instead. They remind me, after tough days/weeks why a big part of me still wants my own classroom.

Day #7 of the month of Giving Thanks, and I am thankful for crime dramas. Both for the pure entertainment value and for the way they make me think; thinking through the "who dun it" aspect always gets my problem solving and deductive reasoning going :) #CriminalMinds #CSI #Elementary #Bones

Vegetable Garden Vol. II

Plant:  Tomato  Variety:  Yellow Brandywine

I had one plant, and even though I got it very early in the summer (mid June) it did not produce tomatoes for the longest time.  It was giant, healthy plant, with blooms, but it just never put out tomatoes.  Until late August, after I had moved it outside (from the greenhouse) for a couple weeks.  Then I got a few tomatoes out of it.  While it wasn't a super high yield, the tomatoes are amazing and totally worth it.  I will definitely grow it again next year, and will probably grow it's cousin, the Pink Brandywine, as well.

Plant:  Carrots  Variety:  Rainbow

These are amazing!  They are beautiful, flavorful, and fun.  I grew them from seed, in long rows, and then thinned them when they were about 1-2 inches tall.  After thinning and replanting, many of them did not get any bigger, but many of them did, which is fine since I had about 200+ planted.  I will definitely grow these again next year, but I will be sure to give them more than the suggested 1 square inch of space so they don't get twisted and stunted by each other.

Plant:  Potato  Variety:  Yukon Gold

What can I say, it's a potato, it's good stuff.  This was my first time growing these, and I have to say I had no idea what I was doing.  I planted one, in an old trash can (a suggestion from my neighbor) about 3/4 of the way inside the can, then added dirt on top of the plant as it poked out of the dirt, until it got to the top.  It stayed green most of the summer, then started to turn yellow and look dead toward the end of August.  That's when you harvest.  I got 7 potatoes, from my one starter potato.  So next year I may grow 2 or 3 now that I know an approximate yield.  It didn't need fertilizer, just plenty of water and good soil.  And they were super fun to dig up...layer after layer, like searching for treasure :)

Plant:  Tomato  Variety:  Rainbow Heirloom

Delicious and heavenly.  These tomatoes are so flavorful...once you taste them, you'll never want to go back to buying your tomatoes in the store.  They are ripe anywhere from a greenish yellow, to a bright yellowish orange and they are modeled and sometimes striped, and very juicy (as you can see in the picture).  I have approximately 5 different Rainbow Heirloom plants, and the one planted in the raised bed (not in a separate pot) at the beginning of the summer (but started in the greenhouse) is HUGE...it's October and it's still trying to take over the whole raised bed - now covered with a hoop house.  Super healthy plant, delicious fruit, not a lot of maintenance.

Vegetable Garden Vol. I

Plants and veggies I have grown/will grow again from 2012: Installment 1

Plant: Heirloom Tomato, Variety: Black Prince (from starts)

I grew two different plants, and the yield was good.  I would definitely grow this variety again, because it's a healthy, hearty plant and the fruit it yields has one of the more deliciously strong tomato flavors I've tasted.  One of my favorites.

Plant: Peppers, Varieties: Serrano, Early Jalapeno, Hungarian Hot Wax, Sweet Banana, Cayenne and Poblano (from starts)

I have one plant in each variety of pepper (except Serrano, of which I have two).  The Sweet Banana pepper produced a lot of peppers in the beginning, then stopped.  All the other peppers continuously produced through the summer.  However, I can not keep the aphids off these pepper plants no matter what I do :(

Plant: Onion, Variety: Walla Walla Sweets, or Sultan Sweeties (from starts)

I grew about 25 of these this year, and most of them turned out great.  They grew more oblong and down, rather than out in width, not really sure why, but they still taste great.  I have pickled many of them, and plan to dry and store the rest for the winter.  I will definitely be growing these again next year, although perhaps from seed next time...

Plant: Kale, Variety: Curly Kale

Bought these guys as starts last August, they wintered through in our greenhouse and then exploded once I put them out in the garden this spring.  I still have 5 of my original 6 plants, and 3 of the 6 have turned into kale trees...they are huge!  They do really well in this climate, and neither G nor I can keep up with the yield even though we make kale chips, as well as blanch and freeze it for smoothies.  However, they are very susceptible to mildew.  G really likes them though, so I will keep growing them.

Plant: Strawberries, Varieties: Albion (day neutral), Allstar (everbearing), and Quinault (everbearing)

This season I have three varieties of strawberries, my two Albion plants are in their second season and are producing the biggest, sweetest strawberries I've ever had.  My Allstar plant is also doing well for it's first season.  And my 12 Quinault plants are in my strawberry pot, the strawberries they've been producing are rather small, but are super sweet.  All of the varieties are great, and the only issue I've had has been with spider mite on my strawberry plants, but it definitely hasn't been constant.  I will definitely be trying to winter these over.  Once you taste home grown strawberries, you can't go back!

Plant: Cucumber, Variety: Burpless

I grew (from seed) probably 15 to 20 cucumber starts over the course of the spring, only about half survived (they were very touchy with temp, water, and other conditions) and the ones that did survive, only grew up and up and never gave me a single cucumber, despite having plenty of flowers.  They also got spider mite pretty bad, and I couldn't seem to ever get rid of them :(

Men

Men...even though they frustrate me and I can't for the life of me understand them, I wouldn't change them for anything.

Why? Because if they thought just like us the relationship between the sexes would be terribly boring. We'd always be able to figure them out, we'd always know what they are thinking, and what their next move would be. And THAT would take all the fun out of the male/female dynamic! Do they frustrate me? Sure. Do I sometimes wish they would do things just like we do? Definitely. Have I ever had a moment when they have made me so mad that I wished they'd become obsolete or even be wiped off the planet? Of course! But I always come back around to wanting them on my couch, under my covers, in my car, and a part of my life.

Men can be the subject of serious frustration, deeply hurt feelings and mind boggling confusion that can leave us gals feeling melancholy. And yes, the lows are pretty low. But the highs? The highs are like nothing else...and I wouldn't trade them for anything...not even shoes. Yes, I said shoes.

Men are the way they are for a reason and we are the way we are for a reason. Somehow we find a way to make it work...don't ask me how. Frankly, I believe it to be a God given miracle. Nevertheless, even if I had my way, I'd never change men; no matter how illogical their thinking may seem or how often they leave me cursing the day they were born...because without the lows we'd never reach those blissful highs.

Would it be easier if guys were more like us? Duh.

But who said life was supposed to be easy?

Wednesday Late Night

Sex.

One of my closest friends and I, over a large bottle of red wine (naturally), discussed the point of sex this late Wednesday evening. If you ask the religious sect, they will tell you that the point is for procreation and nothing more. If you ask the pornography sect, they will tell you that the point is for profit and nothing more. If you ask promiscuous ladies and gents everywhere, they will tell you that the point is for recreation and nothing more.

However, if you ask me I will tell you that if it isn't really great or furthering a relationship, then frankly, there is no point. As I explained, quite bluntly, to one of my dearest friends, as I swirled my Shiraz in my glass, "if the sex isn't great, and I mean really great, then it is simply a huge waste of my time."

"What if it is for the furthering of a relationship?" She posed from her perch on the back of my couch.

"Well that counts too. Okay, so if the sex isn't great, or it is not for the purpose of furthering a romantic relationship and thus has the potential to become really great, then it is a complete waste of my time." She nods as if to say she agrees, but waits because she knows me, and knows that there is more. "The way I see it, is if I have someone that I can have sex with, and it's really great, then why would I go anywhere else? I like getting off. So why would I spend time training someone else to do that, if I have someone who already knows how?"

"Yeah, I can see that." I'm not sure she's convinced.

"Look, to be perfectly blunt, here's how I see it. I can get myself off in 5 minutes or less. Most men I'm with, it takes them 45 minutes. So if the sex is not really great, then I see those extra 40 minutes as a complete waste of my time, that I could be using to do something else. If those 40 minutes aren't being used to further my relationship, or aren't incredibly enjoyable, then I will end up wanting them back."

This conversation got me pondering all the many facets of sex. To those who have never participated in it, it's a novelty, although most find out soon enough that that first time is really not all it's cracked up to be, and that the newness wears off quite rapidly if it is bad...and often times it is bad, really bad. To those who have not had it in a very long time, it's a craving, much like the wintertime Seattlite craves the sun's warmth. To those who are stuck in a dead end relationship, it becomes a chore; something they try to avoid on pain of death. But those who have had a taste of really great sex, whether it be inside or outside of a relationship, think of it neither as a chore, nor a craving, nor a novelty, but as an indulgence; one of life's simple pleasures. If you think of it as either a task or a necessity, then clearly, you have not had really great sex.

If the sex isn't great, or it isn't for the purpose of furthering a relationship (and thus has the potential to become really great), then it is a complete waste of my time. Yes, you may quote me.

Apathy Ensues

I have been a McCain follower and supporter since before I could even vote; through the last 3 elections and the last 8 years I have followed his career and felt that one day he would make a wonderful president.  I remember when I was 16 and first learned about voting, and political parties and my parents shared with me their views and how they were neither Democrats, nor Republicans, but Independents and that Independents didn't have to follow party views but got to choose what they did and didn't agree with.  I remember thinking that I wanted to be an Independent because I too wanted to have a choice.  I remember my dad telling me about the Senator from Arizona and how he was an Independent too who tried to bring the parties together on issues rather than divide them.  I had thought at the tender age of 16 that that was a very honorable thing.  I became more and more intrigued with Senator John McCain, the more I learned; his family history in the Navy, his imprisonment and gruesome torture while a POW in Vietnam, his inability to run or lift his arms above his head due to the injuries he endured as a POW, his marriage to Cindy, their children and all his work in the Senate.  I admired him to say the very least and could not wait to see him run again in 2004 against Bush for the Republican nomination.  

Unfortunately everyones favorite maverick, was too much of a "risk" for the GOP to back.  Risk?  Why because he picks and chooses what to believe on which issues like EVERY free American should?  I was infuriated.  Not only had the GOP passed McCain over in 2000 for that dimwit Bush, but now they were doing it AGAIN in 2004 for the SAME DIMWIT!  WTF?  I thought surely they were all brainless or on drugs.  And sure enough, Bush screwed up our country (military, international relations and economy) so bad that the American people became LITERALLY afraid to vote for a Republican in 2008.  I can proudly say that I did not vote for Bush in 2000, and I did not vote for Bush in 2004.  I did not get to voice my opinion about this moron on a ballot in 2000.  However, in 2004 I chose to stage my own coup against the traditional aspects of being forced to choose between only 2 candidates who I had no part in choosing to be the representations of the Democratic and Republican parties.  Instead of being forced to choose the lesser of two evils (lets be honest, Kerry versus Bush--NOT really a choice at all) I wrote in John McCain's name in the "other" section.  Some may say I wasted my vote, but I disagree.  I exercised my right as an American to HAVE A CHOICE.

When the 2008 election rolled around and the GOP could no longer overlook my favorite maverick for the idiot Bush again, I was convinced that McCain could no longer be harmed by Bush.  I was ecstatic when the GOP picked up McCain as their nominee and was sure that his non-partisan views, independence and experienced qualifications would lead him directly to the Oval Office.  Alas, I would not fully understand just how extensive the damage Bush had done to the Republican party and the American people was until about 8:30 pm on November 4th, before the entire West coast of the country had even had a chance to count their ballots.  McCain's opponent won by an overwhelming majority in the Electoral College (one of the most ass backwards aspects of our election process), a "landslide" for which I blame George W. Bush and the abusive, draining and dishonest relationship we have been forced to have with him for the last 8 years.  

I can close my eyes and revisit yesterday; less than 36 hours ago I got the privilege of walking in to a voting facility, obtaining a ballot and looking down at something I had been waiting to see for for 3 elections--John McCain's name PRINTED on the ballot.  I stared at it for a few minutes almost in disbelief, taking in the moment, and then I proudly filled in the bubble next to his name, said a little prayer and dropped it in the black box.  But the man who had peaked my interest in politics would never make it to the final prize.  The 44th president of the United States of America was declared before my vote was even counted--my vote did not even count.  And so my apathy begins...